Spring Semester Arrives
So here we are in January of 2016 and you’ve just returned to classes. So how was break? Some were doubtlessly comforted by the return to family and friends back home. Others were troubled by the dysfunctional nature of their family (join the crowd) and frustrated seeing good friends going nowhere with so much potential and so little motivation. Well that’s them and this is you. So dip your oar tips back into the pond and prepare to make waves with your romantic campus relationship(s).
Pursuing the topic of romance tends not to follow a logical track or be easily navigated by even those experienced at campus romance. Love can be an emotional quagmire often best traversed in properly fitted snowshoes. Think I’m kidding? Watch a fast forwarding video clip of your last escapade with love. Just as you thought you were almost there you found yourself sinking quickly in the slime of self pity and doubt, your heart gasping for breath, your brain frozen in disbelief, your heart strings flailing wildly for any straw of explanation for why he is quitting you. If intense, labored forensic review of those particular several weeks or months of love and love lost revealed no clue as to the reasons of your calamity? I can fix that.
So…today’s epiphany on the blog…and you thought I’d never get to it is:
“Why so many coeds on campus report frustratingly short relationships with campus men.”
The common answer you’ll hear on campus is that he has too many choices. The ratio of available coeds is too unbalanced. Well, that’s a powerful opiate – an endless stream of coeds to titillate his possibility thinking and take center stage in dorm room, frat house, and apartment conversations with his buds.
“Dude you can’t miss at this school!” they exclaim with delight.
Others of you are favored with too many men on your campus. The refrain from you all or ya’ll then becomes: “This place is like an open box of chocolates – and you don’t even need make-up on weekends!” Well I hate to pop your cosmetic bubble but the fact is: he’s a lot more into your eye popping smile. Sorry to disillusion you but he’s not a girl – he’s a guy. Here’s another gem you should be aware of – he really freaks out when the makeup comes off and the contrast has him feeling shocked, fooled, tricked and now your attractiveness and credibility are necessarily reevaluated. Just sayin’. But back to the topic: “Why so many coeds on campus report frustratingly short relationships with campus men.”
Whatever the ratio of men to women on campus let’s just presume you’ve picked one out, he admits to being in a relationship with you and now you’re “off to the races with him.” Once you reach that stage of just the two of you staring at each other, feeling happy with or even wildly ecstatic about– whichever - then comes the challenge: holding onto it and improving it until it either proves to be an unworkable, long term thing or it really has become a long term thing. Mmmm! You’ve reached that sensible plateau, you’re feeling secure that you know he’s good with it, everything’s going along fine and then– oops – seemingly out of nowhere things get chill and a week later he announces he’s movin’ on and it’s over. Huh? What the hell !!??? Where’d that come from?
“Aye – and there’s the rub” as the Brits say; or as the wise old fisherlady says: he ain’t in the fryin’ pan until he’s hooked and in the boat and the boat’s on the beach and the tides going out. Okay I made that up and you’re not looking to fry, engage or marry him, but you do really like him for a relationship for the foreseeable future. But crap! It’s over just as it was getting good. Well, truth is – apparently not so much for him. Why!
So here’s the real deal as to why he’s lost that lovin’ feelin’ - the actual issue that triggers most guy’s cessation of relations with ladies - is that she simply failed to become an irreplaceable asset to him. She has become replaceable once the newness, the novelty, the curiosity …and the usefulness, ouch, wanes, declines and/or disappears.
Once, whatever that initial connection evaporates and there remains no new system for attachment to her, then her future in a lasting relationship with him is put into jeopardy. Which, of course, is pretty much everyone’s attitude right? What else would you expect? If your emotional attachment declines to such a state “on empty” and no other reason remains to hang with him, then his status with you necessarily shifts to friend or acquaintance and you logically then proceed to …end it. Ouch for him – unless - he ain’t feelin’ it anymore either. Then cool for both of you/ya’ll.
But what’s not cool are all of the campus relationships that should have been a great match for a good long time, but didn’t, and just fell apart and then evaporated, for stupid reasons. Wow, it happens. It’s a freak thing. Everyone is shocked. No one can believe it. It happens in college sports too, with star athletes, during incredibly important games – the ball is thrown into the air, travels the length of the back court (volleyball), the receiver is perfectly positioned to easily pop it up to a forward and it just goes right through her hands – and the sports center’s umpty-umpty thousand fans cringe in disbelief. What happened? Answer: the athlete took her eye off the ball. Duh. This $%#@ happens to couples who are a match made in heaven too – probably a lot more often than you’d expect – until you realize they had no coach like the athletes. Yup, just two people trying to stick to each other while taking a full load, being involved in extra-curriculars and attempting to navigate the drama of their friends, their floor, their house and their profs.
Failure would seem to be baked in without anyone looking over their shoulders and suggesting priority shifts and time management. It’s really hard to get out of one’s skin and understand what is obvious to others – without a coach. Wouldn’t it be cool to coach each other? If you’ve got a really serious relationship and you want to maintain and grow it “bigtime” then the answer is not in question. Successful couples coach each other – and are not only allowed to but encouraged – because each has taught the other who they really are and what really motivates them.
It’s a rare relationship that has the benefit of a coach, who focuses the couple on the value and power of helping each other to recognize the other’s strengths and empower daily behavior toward each person’s highest and best use on campus and, as well, post graduation. Sans coach, little or no talk within the couple of what talents each has and how supporting the other’s further development could enhance their individual careers is pretty common between faux relationships that have little benefit to either in the present and certainly no future value in the future; are typically dead end, short lived, quick fling events. In short: lasting relationships are empowering to both individuals causing a powerful bond between the couple, that in turn secures a commanding lasting, mighty relationship.
So, flings are great, hanging out is fun, hooking up exciting; but a lasting relationship comparatively is like the difference between a hammock for two at a powder white sand beach on a sun struck weekend– admittedly a tasty memory - and, a seemingly never ending windjammer cruise, island hopping the globe’s vacation destinations forever; so, a fleeting tasty memory versus a permanent beautiful thing.
Both are positive but serve different purposes. You certainly can experience one or both and your feelings toward each are determined by the guy you are with. I just want to be clear that there typically comes a time in every relationship when you see long term, “keeper” potential and know this one needs serious nurturing. And that’s where this blog and a soon to be available book on Kindle will greatly facilitate your chances of avoiding a relationship blow-up and putting you on a lasting track to developing a relationship with him that he cannot let himself so much as contemplate losing at any cost. Want a bomb proof relationship? Build one by being a powerful coach and empowerer of his values, traits and talents and you will have earned the most coveted place in his life: the nurturer of his head and heart: the copilot of your life together that will start on campus and propel your future to the stars. As well, teach him to empower you in the same way, with the same attention to the details of your personality: values, traits, talents and motivations. More next time on developing a skill set of strategies and the techniques that implement them; as well as the opportunities to ideally execute them. Good luck with your studies.
Spring Semester Arrives
So here we are in January of 2016 and you’ve just returned to classes. So how was break? Some were doubtlessly comforted by the return to family and friends back home. Others were troubled by the dysfunctional nature of their family (join the crowd) and frustrated seeing good friends going nowhere with so much potential and so little motivation. Well that’s them and this is you. So dip your oar tips back into the pond and prepare to make waves with your romantic campus relationship(s).
Pursuing the topic of romance tends not to follow a logical track or be easily navigated by even those experienced at campus romance. Love can be an emotional quagmire often best traversed in properly fitted snowshoes. Think I’m kidding? Watch a fast forwarding video clip of your last escapade with love. Just as you thought you were almost there you found yourself sinking quickly in the slime of self pity and doubt, your heart gasping for breath, your brain frozen in disbelief, your heart strings flailing wildly for any straw of explanation for why he is quitting you. If intense, labored forensic review of those particular several weeks or months of love and love lost revealed no clue as to the reasons of your calamity? I can fix that.
So…today’s epiphany on the blog…and you thought I’d never get to it is:
“Why so many coeds on campus report frustratingly short relationships with campus men.”
The common answer you’ll hear on campus is that he has too many choices. The ratio of available coeds is too unbalanced. Well, that’s a powerful opiate – an endless stream of coeds to titillate his possibility thinking and take center stage in dorm room, frat house, and apartment conversations with his buds.
“Dude you can’t miss at this school!” they exclaim with delight.
Others of you are favored with too many men on your campus. The refrain from you all or ya’ll then becomes: “This place is like an open box of chocolates – and you don’t even need make-up on weekends!” Well I hate to pop your cosmetic bubble but the fact is: he’s a lot more into your eye popping smile. Sorry to disillusion you but he’s not a girl – he’s a guy. Here’s another gem you should be aware of – he really freaks out when the makeup comes off and the contrast has him feeling shocked, fooled, tricked and now your attractiveness and credibility are necessarily reevaluated. Just sayin’. But back to the topic: “Why so many coeds on campus report frustratingly short relationships with campus men.”
Whatever the ratio of men to women on campus let’s just presume you’ve picked one out, he admits to being in a relationship with you and now you’re “off to the races with him.” Once you reach that stage of just the two of you staring at each other, feeling happy with or even wildly ecstatic about– whichever - then comes the challenge: holding onto it and improving it until it either proves to be an unworkable, long term thing or it really has become a long term thing. Mmmm! You’ve reached that sensible plateau, you’re feeling secure that you know he’s good with it, everything’s going along fine and then– oops – seemingly out of nowhere things get chill and a week later he announces he’s movin’ on and it’s over. Huh? What the hell !!??? Where’d that come from?
“Aye – and there’s the rub” as the Brits say; or as the wise old fisherlady says: he ain’t in the fryin’ pan until he’s hooked and in the boat and the boat’s on the beach and the tides going out. Okay I made that up and you’re not looking to fry, engage or marry him, but you do really like him for a relationship for the foreseeable future. But crap! It’s over just as it was getting good. Well, truth is – apparently not so much for him. Why!
So here’s the real deal as to why he’s lost that lovin’ feelin’ - the actual issue that triggers most guy’s cessation of relations with ladies - is that she simply failed to become an irreplaceable asset to him. She has become replaceable once the newness, the novelty, the curiosity …and the usefulness, ouch, wanes, declines and/or disappears.
Once, whatever that initial connection evaporates and there remains no new system for attachment to her, then her future in a lasting relationship with him is put into jeopardy. Which, of course, is pretty much everyone’s attitude right? What else would you expect? If your emotional attachment declines to such a state “on empty” and no other reason remains to hang with him, then his status with you necessarily shifts to friend or acquaintance and you logically then proceed to …end it. Ouch for him – unless - he ain’t feelin’ it anymore either. Then cool for both of you/ya’ll.
But what’s not cool are all of the campus relationships that should have been a great match for a good long time, but didn’t, and just fell apart and then evaporated, for stupid reasons. Wow, it happens. It’s a freak thing. Everyone is shocked. No one can believe it. It happens in college sports too, with star athletes, during incredibly important games – the ball is thrown into the air, travels the length of the back court (volleyball), the receiver is perfectly positioned to easily pop it up to a forward and it just goes right through her hands – and the sports center’s umpty-umpty thousand fans cringe in disbelief. What happened? Answer: the athlete took her eye off the ball. Duh. This $%#@ happens to couples who are a match made in heaven too – probably a lot more often than you’d expect – until you realize they had no coach like the athletes. Yup, just two people trying to stick to each other while taking a full load, being involved in extra-curriculars and attempting to navigate the drama of their friends, their floor, their house and their profs.
Failure would seem to be baked in without anyone looking over their shoulders and suggesting priority shifts and time management. It’s really hard to get out of one’s skin and understand what is obvious to others – without a coach. Wouldn’t it be cool to coach each other? If you’ve got a really serious relationship and you want to maintain and grow it “bigtime” then the answer is not in question. Successful couples coach each other – and are not only allowed to but encouraged – because each has taught the other who they really are and what really motivates them.
It’s a rare relationship that has the benefit of a coach, who focuses the couple on the value and power of helping each other to recognize the other’s strengths and empower daily behavior toward each person’s highest and best use on campus and, as well, post graduation. Sans coach, little or no talk within the couple of what talents each has and how supporting the other’s further development could enhance their individual careers is pretty common between faux relationships that have little benefit to either in the present and certainly no future value in the future; are typically dead end, short lived, quick fling events. In short: lasting relationships are empowering to both individuals causing a powerful bond between the couple, that in turn secures a commanding lasting, mighty relationship.
So, flings are great, hanging out is fun, hooking up exciting; but a lasting relationship comparatively is like the difference between a hammock for two at a powder white sand beach on a sun struck weekend– admittedly a tasty memory - and, a seemingly never ending windjammer cruise, island hopping the globe’s vacation destinations forever; so, a fleeting tasty memory versus a permanent beautiful thing.
Both are positive but serve different purposes. You certainly can experience one or both and your feelings toward each are determined by the guy you are with. I just want to be clear that there typically comes a time in every relationship when you see long term, “keeper” potential and know this one needs serious nurturing. And that’s where this blog and a soon to be available book on Kindle will greatly facilitate your chances of avoiding a relationship blow-up and putting you on a lasting track to developing a relationship with him that he cannot let himself so much as contemplate losing at any cost. Want a bomb proof relationship? Build one by being a powerful coach and empowerer of his values, traits and talents and you will have earned the most coveted place in his life: the nurturer of his head and heart: the copilot of your life together that will start on campus and propel your future to the stars. As well, teach him to empower you in the same way, with the same attention to the details of your personality: values, traits, talents and motivations. More next time on developing a skill set of strategies and the techniques that implement them; as well as the opportunities to ideally execute them. Good luck with your studies.