Here’s an article published on Flipboard March 9, a few days ago, I thought you might greatly profit from.
OKCupid did some research and “found that women who sent the first message on its app were 2.5 times more likely to receive a response than men who did the same.” Credit Matthew Staver for The New York Times for this summary. Check the link for the whole discussion.
http://flip.it/6Tz8R
Sent via Flipboard, your personal magazine.
Get it for free to keep up with the news you care about.
In case the link fails, I will paste the basics.
OkCupid, a popular online dating site, said women who take the initiative to reach out to men are rewarded with higher response rates and more desirable men.
“There are women on the site that are reaching out, and they’re getting all of the benefits,” said Jimena Almendares, the chief product officer at OkCupid.
“a random sample of 70,000 users who had logged in at least three times within the same month. It found that women who sent the first message were 2.5 times more likely to receive a response than men who did the same. And the men the women contacted were more “attractive,” as determined by how other users rate the men’s profiles for both looks and content.
OkCupid, which said it has 1.5 men for every woman on the site, said both men and women are aspirational in whom they approach — men send messages to women 17 percentage points more “attractive” than themselves, while women send messages to men 10 percentage points higher.
So a woman who simply sifts through her inbox is most likely fielding entreaties from men less attractive than she is, while she’s most likely to get a response if she contacts a more attractive man.
Okay – but the “greatly profit” from part of Flipboard’s “expose,” of dating social media apps, and what really trips my switch - for those of you not aware, is the app called Bumble. “Holy no tags forward, Batman!”
“Women have very much been trained to sit back and let men come to them,” said Whitney Wolfe, the founder of Bumble, a separate dating app.
Bumble requires women to flip the presumption that men are the dating aggressors. After a man and a woman indicate mutual interest in each other’s profiles, they’re both notified that there has been a match — but only women can send the first message. That makes women more confident and empowered, while the men are more flattered and relaxed, Ms. Wolfe said.
“It makes for a healthier and more enjoyable all-around experience,” she said. “It puts the women in the driver’s seat, and typically women aren’t in the driver’s seat.”
As a man, I am 100% in agreement with the Bumble approach for you – which is kicking off to the women and letting them run with the ball – perhaps for reasons that will surprise you, however.
1) Orientation - Perspective: Women need to immediately get into a man’s SETTINGS and uncheck the boxes:
Women are weak,
Women have few opinions that should matter
Men set the agenda and name the rules.
I don’t need to impress her as much as she needs to impress me.
2) Impress Me!
Guys need a reason to treat a woman with respect and her calling the shots for the first meeting that is not a date but a meeting – an interview – really ratchets up the bar in his mind and establishes him as the one who is being shopped. Boom! Role reversal. Nice!
3) The Interviewer
Gets to set the interview agenda.
Ask the questions
Set the tone: semi-casual – more formal than fun-casual
4) The Long Game – What are his limitations?
Best to assess sooner than later, the features of this guy’s character
Is he suitable to party with, hang out with, or hang on to?
5) Empowerment Material.
Would you want him as your coach?
Is he worth coaching?
Could you see yourself bonding with him and setting a life agenda?
You might as well get your answers before you start making yourself crazy asking these questions later than sooner. You know how you are. You – like every other sane dater - wants to know “why didn’t I just sit down with this guy a long time ago. Why has it taken me so long to translate who he wants me to think he is into who he really is?”
Yup, naïve you. Well if you believe you have to kiss a hundred frogs to get a prince then I’m here to tell you it really ain’t so. People who bother to think a lot about something usually find a better, faster way. I have watched and listened to a lot of college women’s’ dating experiences. I know what works because I have heard it recited over and over and over again for years and years.
The number of dating practices that do not work greatly exceeds the number that do. So the numbers are stacked against you from the very beginning if you do not use other women’s’ misadventures and failed efforts to steer you around the potholes that appear immediately as you take the off-ramp to Romance Avenue.
Your mistake was not exiting two ramps back at Dialogue In-Person Boulevard. Once there, down at ground level, you park your car and take a stroll examining the sights and sounds comparing them to your likes and dislikes. What would living in this neighborhood be like? How does it feel? You read the brochure online and did a little research so now it was time to have a face to face reality check.
Is all as advertised? Does this person pass the smell test? I mean do his stories about family, role models, feelings and respect for his Mom and Dad seem genuine and sincere, or do they sound contrived, made-up, a little strange, exaggerated. Does his reality seem to line up with yours? How’d he do with some of the questions under “CLUES” above on the site header?
Long story short: Bumble would be my media of choice were I a female student on campus or off. It sets the stage immediately with you in control and offers you the opportunity to set up a daytime coffee/soda, one on one, one – two hour meeting to open this man wide open to your scrutiny with him knowing he’s being shopped by a lady with her goals and methods clearly, impressively arrayed. If he is the right guy you’re gonna blow his doors open to him being totally amazed with you.
So, don’t spend a lot of time, hanging out with a guy without an agenda that calls for real answers to cleverly calculated questions, which reveal the character behind the personality he’s advertising.
The byproduct of this that I thought you might not guess? You will be more attractive to him by a power of at least two for taking charge and vetting him carefully right from the gitgo. You have defined yourself as empowered. All of this process you should carefully conduct and project in a sweet, polite, respectful way. He will enjoy the experience. He will do all the talking. Guys like to talk about themselves to intelligent, inquisitive people. Have fun. Laugh a lot. Drink decaf. Slow down and be a careful listener with frequent questions to satisfy your curiosity.
Your brain will be impressed with your process and thankful to you, perhaps many, many times over. Sort out the frogs from the princes before you do the kissing part.
Girls with frogbreath tend to attract more frogs. Just sayin’.
OKCupid did some research and “found that women who sent the first message on its app were 2.5 times more likely to receive a response than men who did the same.” Credit Matthew Staver for The New York Times for this summary. Check the link for the whole discussion.
http://flip.it/6Tz8R
Sent via Flipboard, your personal magazine.
Get it for free to keep up with the news you care about.
In case the link fails, I will paste the basics.
OkCupid, a popular online dating site, said women who take the initiative to reach out to men are rewarded with higher response rates and more desirable men.
“There are women on the site that are reaching out, and they’re getting all of the benefits,” said Jimena Almendares, the chief product officer at OkCupid.
“a random sample of 70,000 users who had logged in at least three times within the same month. It found that women who sent the first message were 2.5 times more likely to receive a response than men who did the same. And the men the women contacted were more “attractive,” as determined by how other users rate the men’s profiles for both looks and content.
OkCupid, which said it has 1.5 men for every woman on the site, said both men and women are aspirational in whom they approach — men send messages to women 17 percentage points more “attractive” than themselves, while women send messages to men 10 percentage points higher.
So a woman who simply sifts through her inbox is most likely fielding entreaties from men less attractive than she is, while she’s most likely to get a response if she contacts a more attractive man.
Okay – but the “greatly profit” from part of Flipboard’s “expose,” of dating social media apps, and what really trips my switch - for those of you not aware, is the app called Bumble. “Holy no tags forward, Batman!”
“Women have very much been trained to sit back and let men come to them,” said Whitney Wolfe, the founder of Bumble, a separate dating app.
Bumble requires women to flip the presumption that men are the dating aggressors. After a man and a woman indicate mutual interest in each other’s profiles, they’re both notified that there has been a match — but only women can send the first message. That makes women more confident and empowered, while the men are more flattered and relaxed, Ms. Wolfe said.
“It makes for a healthier and more enjoyable all-around experience,” she said. “It puts the women in the driver’s seat, and typically women aren’t in the driver’s seat.”
As a man, I am 100% in agreement with the Bumble approach for you – which is kicking off to the women and letting them run with the ball – perhaps for reasons that will surprise you, however.
1) Orientation - Perspective: Women need to immediately get into a man’s SETTINGS and uncheck the boxes:
Women are weak,
Women have few opinions that should matter
Men set the agenda and name the rules.
I don’t need to impress her as much as she needs to impress me.
2) Impress Me!
Guys need a reason to treat a woman with respect and her calling the shots for the first meeting that is not a date but a meeting – an interview – really ratchets up the bar in his mind and establishes him as the one who is being shopped. Boom! Role reversal. Nice!
3) The Interviewer
Gets to set the interview agenda.
Ask the questions
Set the tone: semi-casual – more formal than fun-casual
4) The Long Game – What are his limitations?
Best to assess sooner than later, the features of this guy’s character
Is he suitable to party with, hang out with, or hang on to?
5) Empowerment Material.
Would you want him as your coach?
Is he worth coaching?
Could you see yourself bonding with him and setting a life agenda?
You might as well get your answers before you start making yourself crazy asking these questions later than sooner. You know how you are. You – like every other sane dater - wants to know “why didn’t I just sit down with this guy a long time ago. Why has it taken me so long to translate who he wants me to think he is into who he really is?”
Yup, naïve you. Well if you believe you have to kiss a hundred frogs to get a prince then I’m here to tell you it really ain’t so. People who bother to think a lot about something usually find a better, faster way. I have watched and listened to a lot of college women’s’ dating experiences. I know what works because I have heard it recited over and over and over again for years and years.
The number of dating practices that do not work greatly exceeds the number that do. So the numbers are stacked against you from the very beginning if you do not use other women’s’ misadventures and failed efforts to steer you around the potholes that appear immediately as you take the off-ramp to Romance Avenue.
Your mistake was not exiting two ramps back at Dialogue In-Person Boulevard. Once there, down at ground level, you park your car and take a stroll examining the sights and sounds comparing them to your likes and dislikes. What would living in this neighborhood be like? How does it feel? You read the brochure online and did a little research so now it was time to have a face to face reality check.
Is all as advertised? Does this person pass the smell test? I mean do his stories about family, role models, feelings and respect for his Mom and Dad seem genuine and sincere, or do they sound contrived, made-up, a little strange, exaggerated. Does his reality seem to line up with yours? How’d he do with some of the questions under “CLUES” above on the site header?
Long story short: Bumble would be my media of choice were I a female student on campus or off. It sets the stage immediately with you in control and offers you the opportunity to set up a daytime coffee/soda, one on one, one – two hour meeting to open this man wide open to your scrutiny with him knowing he’s being shopped by a lady with her goals and methods clearly, impressively arrayed. If he is the right guy you’re gonna blow his doors open to him being totally amazed with you.
So, don’t spend a lot of time, hanging out with a guy without an agenda that calls for real answers to cleverly calculated questions, which reveal the character behind the personality he’s advertising.
The byproduct of this that I thought you might not guess? You will be more attractive to him by a power of at least two for taking charge and vetting him carefully right from the gitgo. You have defined yourself as empowered. All of this process you should carefully conduct and project in a sweet, polite, respectful way. He will enjoy the experience. He will do all the talking. Guys like to talk about themselves to intelligent, inquisitive people. Have fun. Laugh a lot. Drink decaf. Slow down and be a careful listener with frequent questions to satisfy your curiosity.
Your brain will be impressed with your process and thankful to you, perhaps many, many times over. Sort out the frogs from the princes before you do the kissing part.
Girls with frogbreath tend to attract more frogs. Just sayin’.