Okay, you got through Welcome Week and you're becoming familiar with classes and how to get to them; your roommate(s) and how to deal with them; classmates and who you may be wanting to associate with academically or romantically; and of course what the rules, norms, guidelines, no-no's, regulations and behavior parameters are for the dorm, the house, the class, the campus and the bars are. Some of it is written, some not. What's hype - short for hyperbole: obvious and intentional exaggeration not to be taken literally. "Well, how the heck am I supposed to know?" - might become your default reaction until you get deeper into the 'what actually is' of it all. No problem go slow - "fools rush in" - so if you start to feel like maybe you're getting into something that feels not right - then it probably is. Remember you have an astounding amount of data stored in your subconscious - including everything you've ever seen, heard, or read about. This is your hunch laboratory. Your brain will generate a "feeling" based on tons of data run through your likes and dislike filter. If your gut says "not liking it"; it's a good bet to use extreme caution.

Your best friend is you. Listen to her. Freshman are famous for doing really stupid things because they are trying so hard to fit in. You want to appear cool, with it, mature, hip, smart, on top of it, going with the flow and before you know it you drank too much and ...and now you are paying for it. Hope it doesn't cost too much.  Okay - so let's look at how things go sooo wrong; so then you'll be better prepared to avoid disaster, crisis, and calamity as they can quickly overtake your peace of mind. Bad decisions have consequences and they may affect, not only your social life, but also your economic situation and state of mind for the rest of your college years. The worst one is the health and safety results of really screwing up.

If you're looking to make a mess out of freshman year then, by all means, have unprotected sex with several young lads who may or may not be from your school, but make a habit of visiting college campuses and crashing parties after everyone is thoroughly drunk. Besides the sexually transmitted disease(s) you may have acquired - some are permanent - but easy to explain to all your future bedfellows; there is the indelicate question of whether to report the gang rape to the campus cops.
Pregnancy, hmmm, that too could be an issue. Oh! Almost forgot about some of the guys were from your school and know people in your dorm and maybe your class. Wow! The opportunities for embarrassment are amazing! Too bad you were so drunk you can't remember now. Sucks to be you?
All you remember is going to the party, playing some drinking games, slamming a few shots, laughing a lot, really having fun, kissing some cute guy, trying to leave the party and ...Okay, I think you've got it. 

Because a state of bliss on campus is my goal for you. Okay, off campus as well, but the need I suspect, is more generally on than off as the peer pressures generated by life living on campus are much greater than for the commuters. I've done both. Roommates, dorms, apartments, rental housing, greek club houses all add a constant social element of expected behavior. One feels watched, measured, compared to an unwritten metric; then judged by one's peers and those more senior in the pecking order of the place(s). You will spend unbelievable amounts of time talking to others to learn the rules, the codes: what's expected, acceptable; and, what's not okay, frowned on, very not cool, punishable, and worst of all: what will get you shunned and ostracized. Persona non grata is a label to be avoided. Oh, but wait - there's more.

Obviously I am directing my opening remarks to those feeling most unbalanced and dizzy: the newbies and the freshman. You are coming fresh from high school, transferring from another college or just out of the military; or you decided to leave the security of your room to your little sister to gain some privacy and avoid the morning parental interrogations as to where you were last night; and explanations as to where you are spending the entire weekend away. Okay, I get it. Been there, done that.


Anxiety is baggage you really want to minimize as you seek to navigate the academic requirements with a clear head and a steady pulse. But, guess what - as already stated - campus life has its own stressors. Welcome to Peer Pressure 102 with pop quizzes hourly. You're in the big league now: college. "You just did a two and half gainer from the low diving board into the deep end of the pool: from the fire into the frying pan." one prof used to tell us while handing back papers. 

The reason I begin with social anxiety is because it needn't be as big a deal as your brain will attempt to make it. Academic anxiety yes - social, not so much.Your default setting is to err on the side of caution. I get that. I will attempt to persuade you that a lot of what you hear is not exactly so. A lot of what is said is an exaggeration of the facts and too often just made up. Let's take the example of what happened last night between you and "what's his name" after you guys left the party together. Now for sure his version to his friends back at the frat house will be nothing short of a drunken fantasy. Frat boys are famous for their wild behavior, ridiculous schemes and preposterous stories of carnal conquest. You, on the other hand, will delight in telling your own fanciful version to your friends upon returning - and really, not all that late.

My message is: the truth on campus is in the textbooks, not in the tall stories of how much fun was "witnessed." People will attempt to convince you that everybody gets wasted drunk every weekend and if you don't you're missing all the fun. Really? Wasted drunk? Everybody? Okay what else are they wanting you to believe - oh ya - the sex. "Casual sex on campus is like jungle sex." You see someone at a party (a lot of alcohol sharpens the vision) you'd like to hook up with, then go ahead - everyone does it, so goes the popular myth. Hooking up, to a lot of coeds, means becoming physically intimate - but not necessarily - going all the way, so don't assume or believe that it's a jungle out there unless you let it or - unless you're at a frat house, of course. Some schools are a lot more liberal than others and they usually have a party school legend that accompanies any mention of their campus. 

My next message is don't feel pressured to get wasted drunk when a little buzz achieves a sufficient relaxation of your nerves to wash away the shyness, enabling you to casually interact with anyone at a party. You want to lower the stress of self consciousness to enjoy the fun and cheer. Slammin shots and doin' keg stands will probably reveal your less attractive self - and it may just eliminate the one guy who was somebody you would have wanted to impress - oops! So go for the buzz and an aspirin before hitting the bed and know that not only will the headache in the morning be slight to nothing; but also that you didn't say or do something that makes you the butt of jokes for the next week or sends you to the ER with a chipped tooth and stitches on the upper lip...hmmm, nice huh? And blow your chances with a secret admirer.

So Welcome back to campus, wherever in the country you are. I'm in a very big university town where the Welcome Week parties have already begun: the frat house lawns are strewn with plastic cups, the roads filled with Uhaul trucks and the sidewalks and student bookstores filled with thousands of returning coeds.  I'll have more observations on how to get your campus bliss on next week.