"How do I know thee? Let me count the ways... " Elizabeth Barrett Browning would have been impressed.
Here are some of the ways you can know him. It's a handy tool with which to inventory and value your impressions.
For sure you know more about him then quickly comes to mind. Now you can grade him on more than any spontaneous recollection could capture. Take a screenshot and mark him up. How do you like him now? Your heart says one thing. What does your mind say?
Here are some of the ways you can know him. It's a handy tool with which to inventory and value your impressions.
For sure you know more about him then quickly comes to mind. Now you can grade him on more than any spontaneous recollection could capture. Take a screenshot and mark him up. How do you like him now? Your heart says one thing. What does your mind say?
The Prospect’s Interview
Fill in the blanks. Over a period of two coffees/sodas and two try-out dates you should attempt to answer these questions. Stay casual but focused. Go easy on the caffeine. Share your background but keep your stories brief. Smile. You may have struck gold. Find out! Let him talk a lot!
Home and Parents:
Farm Raised___ Likes__ Disliked __ So from his perspective: does he say that he likes or dislikes the following?
Small town___ Likes__ Disliked __
Suburbs__Likes__Disliked
Big City ___ Likes__ Disliked __
Does he like or grow up near the Beach___ In/near the Mountains___ Desert___ another Country__
Only Child__ Like__ Disliked __
Brothers#__ Like__Disliked __Sisters#__ Like__ Disliked
He’s the Oldest__, Youngest__, Middle__
Parents
Two__ One__
Likes Father __ Dislikes __
Likes Mother __ Dislikes __
Step Parents
Two __ One __ Three or more
Likes Step Father __ Dislikes __
Likes Step Mother __ Dislikes __
Both Work __ Work a lot__ Family Weekends together or apart__
Mom/Step Mom Stays at Home__ Mom/Step Mom works___
Dad/Step works __Dad/Step Dad stays at Home__
Father/Mother an Attorney__Politician__ Criminal____ Alcoholic____ Drug Addict___ I.T. Engineer__ What?______
Public School __ Home Schooled__Private__Boarding__
Liked School__ Disliked School __
Grades Good __ Great__ Just Passing__
Involved in Sports__ Clubs__ Activities__
Loner__ Rebel__
Church
Attended__ Attends___ Fervor___(1 – 5)
Believer__ Strong __ Medium___ Not at All __
Career
Major________________
Minor________________
Not Declared____
No Idea____
Artist___ Scientist____ Introvert___ Extrovert___ Team Player __ Lone Operator ___Athelete__Planner/Designer__Doer__
Consider for a moment his and your general intelligence, common sense, energy, courage, cleanliness, religiosity, and… drive.
Million Dollar Questions:
1) “Todd, if you won the Million Dollar Lottery, how would it change the second twelve months of your life?” After you satiated yourself with all the material goodies: cars, apartment, boats, clothes, parties, trips...then what? How much $ would you have put aside for the 2nd year? “How would you apply your talents, drive, and imagination to being productive and proud of your accomplishments the rest of your life?”
2) “So John, what sorts of things are you most curious and intrigued with? Or put another way: what career in that area would you love to do sooo much that you'd work for just room and board? Anything come close?”
3) “Oh really, so recall for me a situation, LeBron, where you thought you were going to fail and you somehow turned it around and triumphed in spite of the odds. You were like, amazing!”
Do the answers talk about others or just him? Is he helping or hoarding. Is he mature or adolescent-like? Is he imaginative or without ideas of his own. Is he complacent or have a fire for life in his belly. Is he a winner or a loser? Are you buying what this guy is selling? Will your best friends like him? Will he like your best friends? Would you trust him to take care of your pet for a week?
Rate Your Prospect
Character –Talents - Personality
Scale of 1 to 5: One least, Five most
1 2 3 4 5
Achiever
Ambition
Articulate
Bully
Cheap
Creative
Compassion
Confusing
Courage
Curiosity
Cuteness
Courtesy
Dependability
Determination
Dominating
Drinker
Drive
Egotism
Empathy
Energy
Evasive
Excessive
Extravagant
Fair Play
Flirty
Funny
Good Will
Goofy
Happy
Helper
Honesty
Hot Tempered
Humility
Humor
Integrity
Intelligence
Intimidating
Kind
Loud/Quiet
Manners
Maturity
Morality
Opinionated
Optimism
Passionate
Patience
Persistence
Possibility Thinking
Positive Attitude
Resourcefulness
Self Esteem
Sensitivity
Silly
Smoker
Snobbery
Submissive
Talented
Teaser
Timid
Underachiever
Wimpish
Wise
Event Journal
“Sharing the Stage”
Memorable events should be journaled. They are the seasoning in your life, good or bad. Later you may see it all as good. Time provides distance which should give you a broader perspective. In any event, let your memory for details be noted here and be sure to date each event with this guy. You will be surprised at what you learn by reading it back to yourself in as little as a week and certainly a month. Monitor your feelings, understand where this is going.
Great Good Crummy
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII where in this range left to right does it rate?
Date
Time
Place
Event
Holiday
Weekend
Weekday
First Coffee at
Second Coffee at
First Date at
Second Date at
Double date who else was with us
I think I’m in luv!
I think I’m in trouble
I think I hate him
I think he likes me
I think he’s a horn dog
I think he really thinks I’m hot!
I think he’s hot
What Happened….write as vividly as the event requires. Caution your grandchildren may read this.
He did
I did
He said
I said
He laughed
I laughed
I wish I would have:
I wish he would have:
So today he learned this about me or my dreams (or short term goals)
So here’s what I learned about him or his dreams (or short term goals)
If a dream, what would the next mini-step be to helping him or me attain it?
How do I feel about asking or telling him?
General Observation about us:
Three Things You Must Learn About Him:
Jot down his Favorite Story, his Grandest Dream, and his Best Role Model. What will you learn about him that will later prove to help immensely if you take down some quick notes now, while they're vivid?
Example: You just came back from your second coffee shop meeting with him and now’s the time to record it.
Seven weeks later. You've really got some mixed feelings and you’d love to resolve them. Go to these notes. There may be revelations waiting for you here. One will be perspective. You will recall your enthusiasm and quickly compare it to now, _____ weeks later. It will be worth the time now if you're on the fence about him later.
Open a new document on your PC and title it Chem Notes or whatever class you took last semester just in case somebody peaks.
Code his name in case somebody does a search or just print it out then delete the .doc lest a goblin put it on the net…eeeck!
His Favorite Story: Profile it
Happy or sad?
Fun or not?
Day or night?
Life threatening?
Super high energy?
Within the law/not?
Complex or simple?
How scared was he?
Was respect involved?
How was his self esteem affected?
Is the story believable?
How much did he exaggerate?
Does the story have any heroes?
Any villains?
Is his family central to it?
What level of enthusiasm does it show?
How deeply passionate is he?
Is anger, revenge, ill will involved?
How seriously was he tested?
Is the telling of it emphasize the conflict or the resolution?
Is his emphasis on the pain he went through or the joy of coming through it?
Is the theme about winning against all odds?
Does he gain something grand or suffer a major loss?
Is he clearly glad it happened because he learned, because he survived, simply because he won, because someone else was helped, or because it was a thrill. Did revenge play a key role?
His Favorite Story: Brief summary
His Grandest Dream: Profile it
Fun or not?
Super high energy?
Complex or simple?
How much respect will he have then?
How passionate is he about it?
How passionate is he normally?
Does it involve moving?
Moving frequently?
Is the dream wildly achievable or totally ridiculous?
Will it take long to achieve?
What special preparations is he planning?
How realistic or fantastic is it?
Is his family central to it?
What level of enthusiasm does he show?
How deeply passionate is he?
Will it make him rich?
How about famous?
How about happy?
How about contented?
Will it be fun getting there?
Will it be draining?
Will the kids see their father?
Will it be stressful getting there?.
Will it be stressful being there?
His Grandest Dream: Summarize it
His Best Role Model: Profile Him/Her
His Father, Mother, Aunt, Uncle – how if related?
Sports hero?
Athletic
Movie star
Soldier
Business person
Family person
Character in fiction
Super Hero
Smart
Rich
Brave
Handsome/Beautiful
Manly/Feminine
Competitor
Achiever
Leader
Team player
Spiritual
Religious
How does he compare to the role model?
Is he really trying to copy him/her?
Does he study the person?
Is it the emotional, mental, physical, or all that he admires in his/her role model?
What doesn’t he care for in him/her?
His Best Role Model: Your feelings about him or her
Fill in the blanks. Over a period of two coffees/sodas and two try-out dates you should attempt to answer these questions. Stay casual but focused. Go easy on the caffeine. Share your background but keep your stories brief. Smile. You may have struck gold. Find out! Let him talk a lot!
Home and Parents:
Farm Raised___ Likes__ Disliked __ So from his perspective: does he say that he likes or dislikes the following?
Small town___ Likes__ Disliked __
Suburbs__Likes__Disliked
Big City ___ Likes__ Disliked __
Does he like or grow up near the Beach___ In/near the Mountains___ Desert___ another Country__
Only Child__ Like__ Disliked __
Brothers#__ Like__Disliked __Sisters#__ Like__ Disliked
He’s the Oldest__, Youngest__, Middle__
Parents
Two__ One__
Likes Father __ Dislikes __
Likes Mother __ Dislikes __
Step Parents
Two __ One __ Three or more
Likes Step Father __ Dislikes __
Likes Step Mother __ Dislikes __
Both Work __ Work a lot__ Family Weekends together or apart__
Mom/Step Mom Stays at Home__ Mom/Step Mom works___
Dad/Step works __Dad/Step Dad stays at Home__
Father/Mother an Attorney__Politician__ Criminal____ Alcoholic____ Drug Addict___ I.T. Engineer__ What?______
Public School __ Home Schooled__Private__Boarding__
Liked School__ Disliked School __
Grades Good __ Great__ Just Passing__
Involved in Sports__ Clubs__ Activities__
Loner__ Rebel__
Church
Attended__ Attends___ Fervor___(1 – 5)
Believer__ Strong __ Medium___ Not at All __
Career
Major________________
Minor________________
Not Declared____
No Idea____
Artist___ Scientist____ Introvert___ Extrovert___ Team Player __ Lone Operator ___Athelete__Planner/Designer__Doer__
Consider for a moment his and your general intelligence, common sense, energy, courage, cleanliness, religiosity, and… drive.
Million Dollar Questions:
1) “Todd, if you won the Million Dollar Lottery, how would it change the second twelve months of your life?” After you satiated yourself with all the material goodies: cars, apartment, boats, clothes, parties, trips...then what? How much $ would you have put aside for the 2nd year? “How would you apply your talents, drive, and imagination to being productive and proud of your accomplishments the rest of your life?”
2) “So John, what sorts of things are you most curious and intrigued with? Or put another way: what career in that area would you love to do sooo much that you'd work for just room and board? Anything come close?”
3) “Oh really, so recall for me a situation, LeBron, where you thought you were going to fail and you somehow turned it around and triumphed in spite of the odds. You were like, amazing!”
Do the answers talk about others or just him? Is he helping or hoarding. Is he mature or adolescent-like? Is he imaginative or without ideas of his own. Is he complacent or have a fire for life in his belly. Is he a winner or a loser? Are you buying what this guy is selling? Will your best friends like him? Will he like your best friends? Would you trust him to take care of your pet for a week?
Rate Your Prospect
Character –Talents - Personality
Scale of 1 to 5: One least, Five most
1 2 3 4 5
Achiever
Ambition
Articulate
Bully
Cheap
Creative
Compassion
Confusing
Courage
Curiosity
Cuteness
Courtesy
Dependability
Determination
Dominating
Drinker
Drive
Egotism
Empathy
Energy
Evasive
Excessive
Extravagant
Fair Play
Flirty
Funny
Good Will
Goofy
Happy
Helper
Honesty
Hot Tempered
Humility
Humor
Integrity
Intelligence
Intimidating
Kind
Loud/Quiet
Manners
Maturity
Morality
Opinionated
Optimism
Passionate
Patience
Persistence
Possibility Thinking
Positive Attitude
Resourcefulness
Self Esteem
Sensitivity
Silly
Smoker
Snobbery
Submissive
Talented
Teaser
Timid
Underachiever
Wimpish
Wise
Event Journal
“Sharing the Stage”
Memorable events should be journaled. They are the seasoning in your life, good or bad. Later you may see it all as good. Time provides distance which should give you a broader perspective. In any event, let your memory for details be noted here and be sure to date each event with this guy. You will be surprised at what you learn by reading it back to yourself in as little as a week and certainly a month. Monitor your feelings, understand where this is going.
Great Good Crummy
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII where in this range left to right does it rate?
Date
Time
Place
Event
Holiday
Weekend
Weekday
First Coffee at
Second Coffee at
First Date at
Second Date at
Double date who else was with us
I think I’m in luv!
I think I’m in trouble
I think I hate him
I think he likes me
I think he’s a horn dog
I think he really thinks I’m hot!
I think he’s hot
What Happened….write as vividly as the event requires. Caution your grandchildren may read this.
He did
I did
He said
I said
He laughed
I laughed
I wish I would have:
I wish he would have:
So today he learned this about me or my dreams (or short term goals)
So here’s what I learned about him or his dreams (or short term goals)
If a dream, what would the next mini-step be to helping him or me attain it?
How do I feel about asking or telling him?
General Observation about us:
Three Things You Must Learn About Him:
Jot down his Favorite Story, his Grandest Dream, and his Best Role Model. What will you learn about him that will later prove to help immensely if you take down some quick notes now, while they're vivid?
Example: You just came back from your second coffee shop meeting with him and now’s the time to record it.
Seven weeks later. You've really got some mixed feelings and you’d love to resolve them. Go to these notes. There may be revelations waiting for you here. One will be perspective. You will recall your enthusiasm and quickly compare it to now, _____ weeks later. It will be worth the time now if you're on the fence about him later.
Open a new document on your PC and title it Chem Notes or whatever class you took last semester just in case somebody peaks.
Code his name in case somebody does a search or just print it out then delete the .doc lest a goblin put it on the net…eeeck!
His Favorite Story: Profile it
Happy or sad?
Fun or not?
Day or night?
Life threatening?
Super high energy?
Within the law/not?
Complex or simple?
How scared was he?
Was respect involved?
How was his self esteem affected?
Is the story believable?
How much did he exaggerate?
Does the story have any heroes?
Any villains?
Is his family central to it?
What level of enthusiasm does it show?
How deeply passionate is he?
Is anger, revenge, ill will involved?
How seriously was he tested?
Is the telling of it emphasize the conflict or the resolution?
Is his emphasis on the pain he went through or the joy of coming through it?
Is the theme about winning against all odds?
Does he gain something grand or suffer a major loss?
Is he clearly glad it happened because he learned, because he survived, simply because he won, because someone else was helped, or because it was a thrill. Did revenge play a key role?
His Favorite Story: Brief summary
His Grandest Dream: Profile it
Fun or not?
Super high energy?
Complex or simple?
How much respect will he have then?
How passionate is he about it?
How passionate is he normally?
Does it involve moving?
Moving frequently?
Is the dream wildly achievable or totally ridiculous?
Will it take long to achieve?
What special preparations is he planning?
How realistic or fantastic is it?
Is his family central to it?
What level of enthusiasm does he show?
How deeply passionate is he?
Will it make him rich?
How about famous?
How about happy?
How about contented?
Will it be fun getting there?
Will it be draining?
Will the kids see their father?
Will it be stressful getting there?.
Will it be stressful being there?
His Grandest Dream: Summarize it
His Best Role Model: Profile Him/Her
His Father, Mother, Aunt, Uncle – how if related?
Sports hero?
Athletic
Movie star
Soldier
Business person
Family person
Character in fiction
Super Hero
Smart
Rich
Brave
Handsome/Beautiful
Manly/Feminine
Competitor
Achiever
Leader
Team player
Spiritual
Religious
How does he compare to the role model?
Is he really trying to copy him/her?
Does he study the person?
Is it the emotional, mental, physical, or all that he admires in his/her role model?
What doesn’t he care for in him/her?
His Best Role Model: Your feelings about him or her