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"What's up with him?

"How do I know thee? Let me count the ways... " Elizabeth Barrett Browning would have been impressed.
Here are some of the ways you can know him. It's a handy tool with which to inventory and value your impressions.

For sure you know more about him then quickly comes to mind. Now you can grade him on more than any spontaneous recollection could capture. Take a screenshot and mark him up. How do you like him now? Your heart says one thing. What does your mind say?

The Prospect’s Interview     
Fill in the blanks. Over a period of two coffees/sodas and two try-out dates you should attempt to answer these questions. Stay casual but focused. Go easy on the caffeine. Share your background but keep your stories brief. Smile. You may have struck gold. Find out! Let him talk a lot!
Home and Parents:

            Farm Raised___ Likes__ Disliked __   So from his perspective: does he say that he likes or dislikes the following?

            Small town___ Likes__ Disliked __

            Suburbs__Likes__Disliked

            Big City ___ Likes__ Disliked __

            Does he like or grow up near the Beach___        In/near  the Mountains___ Desert___     another Country__

            Only Child__ Like__ Disliked __

            Brothers#__ Like__Disliked __Sisters#__ Like__ Disliked 

                        He’s the Oldest__, Youngest__, Middle__

            Parents

                        Two__ One__

                        Likes Father __ Dislikes __

                        Likes Mother __ Dislikes __

            Step Parents

                        Two __ One __ Three or more

                        Likes Step Father __ Dislikes __

                        Likes Step Mother __ Dislikes __

            Both Work __    Work a lot__     Family Weekends together or apart__    

                         Mom/Step Mom Stays at Home__                                          Mom/Step Mom works___

                        Dad/Step works __Dad/Step Dad stays at Home__

           

Father/Mother an Attorney__Politician__ Criminal____ Alcoholic____ Drug Addict___  I.T. Engineer__  What?______

Public School __ Home Schooled__Private__Boarding__

            Liked School__ Disliked School __

            Grades Good __ Great__ Just Passing__

            Involved in Sports__ Clubs__ Activities__

            Loner__ Rebel__

Church

            Attended__ Attends___ Fervor___(1 – 5)

            Believer__ Strong __ Medium___ Not at All __

Career

            Major________________

            Minor________________

            Not Declared____      

            No Idea____

Artist___ Scientist____ Introvert___ Extrovert___ Team Player __ Lone Operator ___Athelete__Planner/Designer__Doer__

 
Consider for a moment his and your general intelligence, common sense, energy, courage, cleanliness, religiosity, and… drive.

 Million Dollar Questions:

 1) “Todd, if you won the Million Dollar Lottery, how would it change the second twelve months of your life?” After you satiated yourself with all the material goodies: cars, apartment, boats, clothes, parties, trips...then what? How much $ would you have put aside for the 2nd year? “How would you apply your talents, drive, and imagination to being productive and proud of your accomplishments the rest of your life?”

 2) “So John, what sorts of things are you most curious and intrigued with?  Or put another way: what career in that area would you love to do sooo much that you'd work for just room and board?  Anything come close?” 

 3) “Oh really, so recall for me a situation, LeBron,  where you thought you were going to fail and you somehow turned it around and triumphed in spite of the odds. You were like, amazing!”

 Do the answers talk about others or just him? Is he helping or hoarding. Is he mature or adolescent-like? Is he imaginative or without ideas of his own. Is he complacent or have a fire for life in his belly. Is he a winner or a loser? Are you buying what this guy is selling? Will your best friends like him? Will he like your best friends? Would you trust him to take care of your pet for a week?

 

 Rate Your Prospect

             Character –Talents - Personality

                    Scale of 1 to 5: One least, Five most

                        1          2          3          4          5         

 
Achiever

Ambition

Articulate

Bully

Cheap

Creative

Compassion

Confusing

Courage

Curiosity

Cuteness

Courtesy  

Dependability

Determination

Dominating

Drinker

Drive

Egotism

Empathy

Energy

Evasive

Excessive

Extravagant

Fair Play

Flirty

Funny  

Good Will

Goofy

Happy

Helper  

Honesty

Hot Tempered  

Humility

Humor

Integrity  

Intelligence

Intimidating

Kind

Loud/Quiet  

Manners

Maturity  

Morality

Opinionated  

Optimism

Passionate

Patience 

Persistence

Possibility Thinking  

Positive Attitude

Resourcefulness

Self Esteem  

Sensitivity

Silly

Smoker

Snobbery

Submissive

Talented

Teaser

Timid

Underachiever

Wimpish

Wise

 

 

Event Journal  

               “Sharing the Stage”

 Memorable events should be journaled. They are the seasoning in your life, good or bad. Later you may see it all as good. Time provides distance which should give you a broader perspective. In any event, let your memory for details be noted here and be sure to date each event with this guy. You will be surprised at what you learn by reading it back to yourself in as little as a week and certainly a month. Monitor your feelings, understand where this is going.

                      Great         Good       Crummy    
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII  where in this range left to right does it rate?
 



Date

Time

Place

Event

Holiday

Weekend

Weekday

First Coffee at

Second Coffee at

First Date at

Second Date at

Double date who else was with us

I think I’m in luv!

I think I’m in trouble

I think I hate him

I think he likes me

I think he’s a horn dog

I think he really thinks I’m hot!

I think he’s hot

 What Happened….write as vividly as the event requires. Caution your grandchildren may read this.

 He did

 

I did

 


He said

 

 I said

 

 He laughed

 

I laughed

 

I wish I would have: 

 

I wish he would have:

 

So today he learned this about me or my dreams (or short term goals)

 

So here’s what I learned about him or his dreams 
(or short term goals)

 

If a dream, what would the next mini-step be to helping him or me attain it?

 

How do I feel about asking or telling him?

 

General Observation about us:

 
Three Things You Must Learn About Him:

 Jot down his Favorite Story, his Grandest Dream, and his Best Role Model. What will you learn about him that will later prove to help immensely if you take down some quick notes now, while they're vivid?

            Example: You just came back from your second coffee shop meeting with him and now’s the time to record it.

 Seven weeks later. You've really got some mixed feelings and you’d love to resolve them. Go to these notes. There may be revelations waiting for you here. One will be perspective. You will recall your enthusiasm and quickly compare it to now, _____ weeks later. It will be worth the time now if you're on the fence about him later.

 Open a new document on your PC and title it Chem Notes or whatever class you took last semester just in case somebody peaks.


Code his name in case somebody does a search or just print it out then delete the .doc lest a goblin put it on the net…eeeck!

 
His Favorite Story: Profile it

Happy or sad?

Fun or not?

Day or night?

Life threatening?

Super high energy?

Within the law/not?

Complex or simple?

How scared was he?

Was respect involved?

How was his self esteem affected?

Is the story believable?

How much did he exaggerate?

Does the story have any heroes?

Any villains?

Is his family central to it?

What level of enthusiasm does it show?

How deeply passionate is he?

Is anger, revenge, ill will involved?

How seriously was he tested?

Is the telling of it emphasize the conflict or the resolution?

Is his emphasis on the pain he went through or the joy of coming through it?

Is the theme about winning against all odds?

Does he gain something grand or suffer a major loss?

Is he clearly glad it happened because he learned, because he survived, simply because he won, because someone else was helped, or because it was a thrill. Did revenge play a key role?

 His Favorite Story: Brief summary 

 




His Grandest Dream: Profile it

 Fun or not?

Super high energy?

Complex or simple?

How much respect will he have then?

How passionate is he about it?

How passionate is he normally?

Does it involve moving?

Moving frequently?

Is the dream wildly achievable or totally ridiculous?

Will it take long to achieve?

What special preparations is he planning?

How realistic or fantastic is it?

Is his family central to it?

What level of enthusiasm does he show?

How deeply passionate is he?

Will it make him rich?

How about famous?

How about happy?

How about contented?

Will it be fun getting there?

Will it be draining?

Will the kids see their father?

Will it be stressful getting there?.

Will it be stressful being there?

 

His Grandest Dream
: Summarize it

 

His Best Role Model: Profile Him/Her

His Father, Mother, Aunt, Uncle – how if related?

Sports hero?

Athletic

Movie star

Soldier

Business person

Family person

Character in fiction

Super Hero

Smart

Rich

Brave

Handsome/Beautiful

Manly/Feminine

Competitor

Achiever

Leader

Team player

Spiritual

Religious

 How does he compare to the role model?

 
Is he really trying to copy him/her?

 
Does he study the person?

 
Is it the emotional, mental, physical, or all that he admires in his/her role model?

 
What doesn’t he care for in him/her?

 
His Best Role Model
:  Your feelings about him or her

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