Cindy Crawford: “I’ve always found that beauty and confidence are synonymous. If you feel confident, that’s what people really see.”
So often women and men mistakenly equate beauty as the single key to attracting men, but certain animal instincts in men argue otherwise and strongly suggest that confidence attracts them as well. As a male, I definitely zoom in on a confident woman – for one thing, she is radiating power in my space – and my brain is in essence saying – “Hey, here’s a force you may need to deal with – better check her out.”
So I’m immediately drawn to assessing her critical mass of character that can generate such an air of confidence that it then translates as attractive to me. It’s is way more than simple curiosity that drives me to study her. It translates to being drawn to her self confidence and what underlies it. I am compelled to believe she is someone I would like know for whom she is, and not for how she looks to me, but the way she looks to me: self assured, poised, secure in herself. That’s strong stuff and the great majority of guys favor strong – but not dominating women. We know the difference. So I agree with Cindy Crawford. So hold that thought while I set this up.
Last post I promised thoughts on developing your skill set of campus relationship strategies and the techniques that implement them; as well as the potential opportunities with which to ideally execute them; and so this is a good time to start the illumination. Many other campus coeds have found these methods to render no less than amazing results when followed in a step by step learning/action process.
So let’s start by stating a key first goal: gaining his admiration and respect. Getting his brain admiring and respecting you from the start puts everything you do after that in a positive, credible light. He now wants to accept, believe and trust you. That’s way more than just a good thing – it’s an amazingly powerful position to start a romantic relationship from. Starting from a position of doubt and skepticism is a bad thing and one your persona typically cannot recover from – so make a great first, confident impression, and leave recovery to the upholsterers.
So we’re agreed then? Your initial strategy should be to gain his admiration and respect and the easiest, most surefire way to accomplish both is to flatter him with the stark reality of what impresses the heck out of you, about his character. (Not his shoes, smile, posture but some revelation by his actions or persona of what stuff he’s made of, believes in, respects or admires.) So how do you do that? The technique is to observe him long enough to catch him in the act of throwing off character trait hints. Yes, the operative word here is observing. It’s sort of like sitting on the end of the dock fishing; waiting for a nibble. But before you scream, please know that a practiced observer can often pull a fish out pretty quickly. So the next operative word becomes: practiced.
Moving on…by observing him demonstrate a powerful character trait and telling him how it made you feel, you immediately establish confidence in yourself for what you feel about him – so find something that’s truly impressive about him in your mind, describe it to yourself and you should automatically generate an air of confidence speaking with him. That single act is actually a double act. You attracted him to you with your confidence in knowing who he is – an important part anyway, and flattering him with how you value it by describing how he affected you. Boom! Dragon slayed. So take a moment to dance a little jig while he regains his composure and reacts by wanting to know all about you – which is another little opportunity for later.
Observe his behavior, and then identify, distill and define his perfections and it’s like gold in your hand: ready to be exchanged for admiration and respect.
Develop and practice on random people first (safe ones) so when the right guy comes along your delivery will be calculated, smooth, well timed and sincere. This is a technique that must be learned through trial and error and plenty of practice – but it becomes such a pleasure after a few proactive encounters that you will find it absolutely addictive for the way it lights up people – but it has to be deep, character feature, recognition stuff – not “Hi, your hair is always so cute.” Or, “You have the most impressive ten speed.”
Look up to the top of this Campusbliss.com page and click on CLUES. Here’s a list of character and personality features. Read them all a couple of times. Decide which ones mean a lot to you. Say the words that mean a lot to you out loud so that your brain hears them. Now you know what you’re looking for in people and specifically guys. Now you’re ready to begin maneuvers –ooh was that a pun?
Phase 1: Start by tuning up your observation skills and resetting them from macro to micro; from obvious to the subtle. You must become a student of human character and behavior is your focus. “Hmm, hot looking guy at the next table…let’s see if he reveals anything about his character.”
Waiter approaches with an apology. Looks like a problem. “Oh oh, feels like the customer thinks he’s way better than the server guy…Wow, check out the server guy’s really sincere, positive reaction and full eye contact with Mr. ‘So Cool his spit freezes, big man on campus’” Your focus has shifted to what you thought was a hottie over to the server.
Phase 2: Wow – you’re impressed and now what? Now you think about how his behavior made you feel. Describe it. Can you identify several character traits of his that came into play like: humility, sincerity, confidence, respect, patience, positive attitude?
So while you’re sitting there assessing your reactions, your feelings and attempting to distill what you liked about the server try to prioritize them. Which one floats his boat and puts the fizz in his soda? Hmmm, I personally am feeling a combination of confidence and humility about him. – It’s okay to treat them like a hybrid – two things in one; humble confidence or confident humility – you pick.
Phase 3: In your mind now work out a casual sentence that expresses your observation and reaction, and uses the combo of confidence and humility and you’ve just created the keywords in your topic sentence.
Phase 4 Action: “Hey, while I was sitting next to one of your tables over there, subtly motioning with your thumb, I couldn’t help being impressed with how you reacted to the dork and his pancake problem. The combination of your humble confidence in reaction to his nasty attitude really stunned me. I was totally impressed with how you handled it.” And then whiz, you’re gone. Wow, fried his brain and made his day. How’d it make you feel? Ah…see where I’m going with this? Empowerment: it’s a beautiful thing.
Okay so now get busy and start zooming in on behavior and begin evaluating what character traits are driving it. You don’t need to start with the compliments until your brain learns to be quick with the audit results. Everyone is fair game from the station attendant at the Quick Pik to the laundramat lady next door. Bus drivers, ticket takers, custodians, underclassman, grad students in the library checkout; wherever and whenever somebody behaves long enough to be analyzed, they become food for mental practice and eventually for live practice…if they reveal a special something that could use reinforcement and a thoughtful compliment.
The next time these people see you, you can expect a warm greeting – if you verbalized your feelings, no matter how hard life has treated them and how crusty their exterior persona – you’ve become a soft spot in their heart.
Over the course of a semester your brain’s neurotransmitters and hormones will report increased levels of dopamine, and oxytocin. These are the natural feel good drugs released when you do nice things for people and then feel their reaction to your frank, honest, spot on appraisal as the Brits would say.
Dopamine: this neurotransmitter drives your brain’s reward system causing a delicious feeling of well being after praise.
Oxytocin: both a hormone and a neurotransmitter linked to life satisfaction levels. There’s nothing as satisfying as shopping for new shoes while complimenting the store clerk on supplying you with free dark chocolate while he scampers back for more sizes and colors! Not really a compliment. More a thank you, but when unlimited dark chocolate in a shoe store is in play, character analysis must wait until he runs your card. Make it a good one and you may get a 40% off card for your next visit.
So there’s a goal, a mini step to your personal empowerment: analyzing people’s behavior for clues about their impressive character features to then tell them about how they make you feel. I guarantee that if you follow this technique for acquiring character recognition skills and applying them liberally throughout your day to random people you will have armed yourself with a potent force for mate selection – just sayin’.
So often women and men mistakenly equate beauty as the single key to attracting men, but certain animal instincts in men argue otherwise and strongly suggest that confidence attracts them as well. As a male, I definitely zoom in on a confident woman – for one thing, she is radiating power in my space – and my brain is in essence saying – “Hey, here’s a force you may need to deal with – better check her out.”
So I’m immediately drawn to assessing her critical mass of character that can generate such an air of confidence that it then translates as attractive to me. It’s is way more than simple curiosity that drives me to study her. It translates to being drawn to her self confidence and what underlies it. I am compelled to believe she is someone I would like know for whom she is, and not for how she looks to me, but the way she looks to me: self assured, poised, secure in herself. That’s strong stuff and the great majority of guys favor strong – but not dominating women. We know the difference. So I agree with Cindy Crawford. So hold that thought while I set this up.
Last post I promised thoughts on developing your skill set of campus relationship strategies and the techniques that implement them; as well as the potential opportunities with which to ideally execute them; and so this is a good time to start the illumination. Many other campus coeds have found these methods to render no less than amazing results when followed in a step by step learning/action process.
So let’s start by stating a key first goal: gaining his admiration and respect. Getting his brain admiring and respecting you from the start puts everything you do after that in a positive, credible light. He now wants to accept, believe and trust you. That’s way more than just a good thing – it’s an amazingly powerful position to start a romantic relationship from. Starting from a position of doubt and skepticism is a bad thing and one your persona typically cannot recover from – so make a great first, confident impression, and leave recovery to the upholsterers.
So we’re agreed then? Your initial strategy should be to gain his admiration and respect and the easiest, most surefire way to accomplish both is to flatter him with the stark reality of what impresses the heck out of you, about his character. (Not his shoes, smile, posture but some revelation by his actions or persona of what stuff he’s made of, believes in, respects or admires.) So how do you do that? The technique is to observe him long enough to catch him in the act of throwing off character trait hints. Yes, the operative word here is observing. It’s sort of like sitting on the end of the dock fishing; waiting for a nibble. But before you scream, please know that a practiced observer can often pull a fish out pretty quickly. So the next operative word becomes: practiced.
Moving on…by observing him demonstrate a powerful character trait and telling him how it made you feel, you immediately establish confidence in yourself for what you feel about him – so find something that’s truly impressive about him in your mind, describe it to yourself and you should automatically generate an air of confidence speaking with him. That single act is actually a double act. You attracted him to you with your confidence in knowing who he is – an important part anyway, and flattering him with how you value it by describing how he affected you. Boom! Dragon slayed. So take a moment to dance a little jig while he regains his composure and reacts by wanting to know all about you – which is another little opportunity for later.
Observe his behavior, and then identify, distill and define his perfections and it’s like gold in your hand: ready to be exchanged for admiration and respect.
Develop and practice on random people first (safe ones) so when the right guy comes along your delivery will be calculated, smooth, well timed and sincere. This is a technique that must be learned through trial and error and plenty of practice – but it becomes such a pleasure after a few proactive encounters that you will find it absolutely addictive for the way it lights up people – but it has to be deep, character feature, recognition stuff – not “Hi, your hair is always so cute.” Or, “You have the most impressive ten speed.”
Look up to the top of this Campusbliss.com page and click on CLUES. Here’s a list of character and personality features. Read them all a couple of times. Decide which ones mean a lot to you. Say the words that mean a lot to you out loud so that your brain hears them. Now you know what you’re looking for in people and specifically guys. Now you’re ready to begin maneuvers –ooh was that a pun?
Phase 1: Start by tuning up your observation skills and resetting them from macro to micro; from obvious to the subtle. You must become a student of human character and behavior is your focus. “Hmm, hot looking guy at the next table…let’s see if he reveals anything about his character.”
Waiter approaches with an apology. Looks like a problem. “Oh oh, feels like the customer thinks he’s way better than the server guy…Wow, check out the server guy’s really sincere, positive reaction and full eye contact with Mr. ‘So Cool his spit freezes, big man on campus’” Your focus has shifted to what you thought was a hottie over to the server.
Phase 2: Wow – you’re impressed and now what? Now you think about how his behavior made you feel. Describe it. Can you identify several character traits of his that came into play like: humility, sincerity, confidence, respect, patience, positive attitude?
So while you’re sitting there assessing your reactions, your feelings and attempting to distill what you liked about the server try to prioritize them. Which one floats his boat and puts the fizz in his soda? Hmmm, I personally am feeling a combination of confidence and humility about him. – It’s okay to treat them like a hybrid – two things in one; humble confidence or confident humility – you pick.
Phase 3: In your mind now work out a casual sentence that expresses your observation and reaction, and uses the combo of confidence and humility and you’ve just created the keywords in your topic sentence.
Phase 4 Action: “Hey, while I was sitting next to one of your tables over there, subtly motioning with your thumb, I couldn’t help being impressed with how you reacted to the dork and his pancake problem. The combination of your humble confidence in reaction to his nasty attitude really stunned me. I was totally impressed with how you handled it.” And then whiz, you’re gone. Wow, fried his brain and made his day. How’d it make you feel? Ah…see where I’m going with this? Empowerment: it’s a beautiful thing.
Okay so now get busy and start zooming in on behavior and begin evaluating what character traits are driving it. You don’t need to start with the compliments until your brain learns to be quick with the audit results. Everyone is fair game from the station attendant at the Quick Pik to the laundramat lady next door. Bus drivers, ticket takers, custodians, underclassman, grad students in the library checkout; wherever and whenever somebody behaves long enough to be analyzed, they become food for mental practice and eventually for live practice…if they reveal a special something that could use reinforcement and a thoughtful compliment.
The next time these people see you, you can expect a warm greeting – if you verbalized your feelings, no matter how hard life has treated them and how crusty their exterior persona – you’ve become a soft spot in their heart.
Over the course of a semester your brain’s neurotransmitters and hormones will report increased levels of dopamine, and oxytocin. These are the natural feel good drugs released when you do nice things for people and then feel their reaction to your frank, honest, spot on appraisal as the Brits would say.
Dopamine: this neurotransmitter drives your brain’s reward system causing a delicious feeling of well being after praise.
Oxytocin: both a hormone and a neurotransmitter linked to life satisfaction levels. There’s nothing as satisfying as shopping for new shoes while complimenting the store clerk on supplying you with free dark chocolate while he scampers back for more sizes and colors! Not really a compliment. More a thank you, but when unlimited dark chocolate in a shoe store is in play, character analysis must wait until he runs your card. Make it a good one and you may get a 40% off card for your next visit.
So there’s a goal, a mini step to your personal empowerment: analyzing people’s behavior for clues about their impressive character features to then tell them about how they make you feel. I guarantee that if you follow this technique for acquiring character recognition skills and applying them liberally throughout your day to random people you will have armed yourself with a potent force for mate selection – just sayin’.