So last time (see below February 18 post) we looked at attractiveness, confidence, and flattery as strategies and technique. Presumably, you have “uploaded” them and are now watching for opportunities to convert someone’s impressive behavior into sincere, heartfelt flattery and thereby impacting those “targets” and yourself with empowering, positive results.
Today let’s look at what happens when a guy is in your “here and now,” you did or didn’t flatter him …and he and you are feeling that something special could be in the future – and so what do you do right now? Eeeck.. Like, too much, too fast – right?
Help!! He is asking you to meet him at a party or a whatever. The whole thing just came out of nowhere and you’re like, totally surprised and at a loss for words besides: “sure” and “okay,” and then five minutes later you’re like…”what did I just sign up for?”
You’ve been there, done that,” right? Or, you are new to the hanging out, dating, and relationship acquisition scene offline.
So, if you are a newbie to the meeting someone later thing, then you need a few clues as to how not to screw it up like a city girl walking into a cow pasture late at night. For sure you are going to step in “it.” So here is how not to. There is two ways to do the meet-up: smart and stupid.
Or would you rather I say: empowered or naïve? Just imagine you have been on a hundred of these meet-ups or hang-outs on campus and you are older and much wiser. Chances are you have cycled through a lot of guys and with very wide results. Frankly, you are ready for getting pro-active and weeding out the losers before you waste another Friday or Saturday night and start the next week hating yourself…again.
Your first goal therefore, is to learn his beliefs and values, compare them to yours, and answer the question: “Do I really want to spend valuable fun time with this potentially negative guy?” Sounds simple enough, but exactly how do you go about arranging a time to trade stories and ideas over coffee and reveal a little about this fellow you have your eye on?
Start by saying, “You seem like a pretty interesting guy, Ned. I’d like to get to know you better. Would you like to have coffee tomorrow after class?” He will not only be impressed with your sense of substance, but also will be struck with the realization that he is being shopped. How flattering! Coincidentally, he will be additionally attracted to your confidence and pleasant leadership style.
If he is anybody worth knowing he will be impressed in a nice way - and it sets the tone and raises the bar on your character substance. So now, what about the meet?
It is going to take some serious thought for each of you to excavate your soul, inventory your thoughts, articulate your values, and package the whole thing so that it makes sense for the other’s appraisal. That moves sex to the second row in his cranial bleachers. Tension equals laughter, so expect lots of laughs for your first face to face meeting. Once you are there, what then?
Then it is time for the interview. Watch and listen to this guy, up close and personal, for an hour or so. Dancing to a rock band in a dimly lit club or loud house party is not the stuff that supports idea exchange. But sit and trade stories in a calm environment and you will have some genuine communication on your hands. What does he have to say? What does he want you to hear? What is your female intuition whispering at you, or not? When you're ready to cut to the chase and amp up the interview check out the questions under "CLUES" on the header above like:
“Todd, if you won the Million Dollar Lottery, how would it change the second twelve months of your life?”
While you both need to communicate your preferences for sights and sounds, art and music, drama and sports, the character issues are the real agenda of your casual meeting. Lead with questions that get to the heart of what he believes, and give him the time and space to respond. Shush– it’s revelation time. Time to spot the creeep, liar, con artist, narcissist, or sweetheart. If he is hiding, you may very likely spot him over coffee. Make it beer or wine if you want to miss what you are supposed to be looking for. Caution: Tanking you up is his best strategy if he’s crap.
Coaches hold tryouts. So should you. If this guy does not fit your essential criteria, you need to know before you put him in uniform. If you wish to pursue him for a relationship, even better, you have already clarified your image of him and learned why hanging with him is more likely to be a good thing than a regretful one.
Too bad you didn’t do this with that clown that turned into a total idiot two minutes after getting into his car last semester. This is why it is key to mentally label a guy “prospect” and spend time with him where and when you can walk away from him, without awkwardness,l and on a moment’s notice if need be.
“Dates,” unlike interviews, can be complicated and sometimes nearly impossible to end quickly. The daytime coffee shop scenario makes it easy; you can even give it a time limit of one hour, and even have a friend call you with a "hair emergency" at 90 minutes too. Fire escapes – they are a beautiful thing!
“Tension equals laughter,
So expect lots of laughs for your first face to face meeting.”
Today let’s look at what happens when a guy is in your “here and now,” you did or didn’t flatter him …and he and you are feeling that something special could be in the future – and so what do you do right now? Eeeck.. Like, too much, too fast – right?
Help!! He is asking you to meet him at a party or a whatever. The whole thing just came out of nowhere and you’re like, totally surprised and at a loss for words besides: “sure” and “okay,” and then five minutes later you’re like…”what did I just sign up for?”
You’ve been there, done that,” right? Or, you are new to the hanging out, dating, and relationship acquisition scene offline.
So, if you are a newbie to the meeting someone later thing, then you need a few clues as to how not to screw it up like a city girl walking into a cow pasture late at night. For sure you are going to step in “it.” So here is how not to. There is two ways to do the meet-up: smart and stupid.
Or would you rather I say: empowered or naïve? Just imagine you have been on a hundred of these meet-ups or hang-outs on campus and you are older and much wiser. Chances are you have cycled through a lot of guys and with very wide results. Frankly, you are ready for getting pro-active and weeding out the losers before you waste another Friday or Saturday night and start the next week hating yourself…again.
Your first goal therefore, is to learn his beliefs and values, compare them to yours, and answer the question: “Do I really want to spend valuable fun time with this potentially negative guy?” Sounds simple enough, but exactly how do you go about arranging a time to trade stories and ideas over coffee and reveal a little about this fellow you have your eye on?
Start by saying, “You seem like a pretty interesting guy, Ned. I’d like to get to know you better. Would you like to have coffee tomorrow after class?” He will not only be impressed with your sense of substance, but also will be struck with the realization that he is being shopped. How flattering! Coincidentally, he will be additionally attracted to your confidence and pleasant leadership style.
If he is anybody worth knowing he will be impressed in a nice way - and it sets the tone and raises the bar on your character substance. So now, what about the meet?
It is going to take some serious thought for each of you to excavate your soul, inventory your thoughts, articulate your values, and package the whole thing so that it makes sense for the other’s appraisal. That moves sex to the second row in his cranial bleachers. Tension equals laughter, so expect lots of laughs for your first face to face meeting. Once you are there, what then?
Then it is time for the interview. Watch and listen to this guy, up close and personal, for an hour or so. Dancing to a rock band in a dimly lit club or loud house party is not the stuff that supports idea exchange. But sit and trade stories in a calm environment and you will have some genuine communication on your hands. What does he have to say? What does he want you to hear? What is your female intuition whispering at you, or not? When you're ready to cut to the chase and amp up the interview check out the questions under "CLUES" on the header above like:
“Todd, if you won the Million Dollar Lottery, how would it change the second twelve months of your life?”
While you both need to communicate your preferences for sights and sounds, art and music, drama and sports, the character issues are the real agenda of your casual meeting. Lead with questions that get to the heart of what he believes, and give him the time and space to respond. Shush– it’s revelation time. Time to spot the creeep, liar, con artist, narcissist, or sweetheart. If he is hiding, you may very likely spot him over coffee. Make it beer or wine if you want to miss what you are supposed to be looking for. Caution: Tanking you up is his best strategy if he’s crap.
Coaches hold tryouts. So should you. If this guy does not fit your essential criteria, you need to know before you put him in uniform. If you wish to pursue him for a relationship, even better, you have already clarified your image of him and learned why hanging with him is more likely to be a good thing than a regretful one.
Too bad you didn’t do this with that clown that turned into a total idiot two minutes after getting into his car last semester. This is why it is key to mentally label a guy “prospect” and spend time with him where and when you can walk away from him, without awkwardness,l and on a moment’s notice if need be.
“Dates,” unlike interviews, can be complicated and sometimes nearly impossible to end quickly. The daytime coffee shop scenario makes it easy; you can even give it a time limit of one hour, and even have a friend call you with a "hair emergency" at 90 minutes too. Fire escapes – they are a beautiful thing!
“Tension equals laughter,
So expect lots of laughs for your first face to face meeting.”